a confidence boost

I recall when I was training in psychotherapy and counselling skills telling one of our course leaders that I was struggling to have the confidence to 'get it right' when it came to interpreting a clients' story. He turned to me and said that it was less a case of having the confidence to "get it right" and more of having the courage to get it wrong. I think this is a very interesting point. Confidence can often be a superficial mask we wear whereas courage comes from some place deeper. It is part of who we truly are, courageous beings who otherwise wouldn't be here.

I was asked to describe how the practice of yoga can help increase confidence so here is a little note I wrote:

The yoga postures (asana) challenge our stability, engaging deep structural support. An intelligent alignment of bones and optimum muscle tensions have a direct affect on our mental state as the soft tissue that link muscle to bone are connected also to the nervous system and brain. Once stability is established in the physical body the message is passed onto the brain.

The breathing practices (pranayama) in yoga, balance the two hemispheres of the brain so we feel neither fatigued nor over excited. We experience confidence at every level of our being: physical, emotional and mental and begin to trust the body's innate desire to support health.

schadenfreude

Sutra I.33

'In relationships, the mind becomes purified by cultivating feelings of friendliness towards those who are happy, compassion for those who are suffering, goodwill towards those who are virtuous, and indifference or neutrality towards those we perceive as wicked or evil.'

Delighting in another’s misfortune seems inevitable at times. We feel onerous in our advice giving, the phrase “I told you so” is one we often repeat to our own children. They deserve what they got for not listening to us. There is a peculiar type of joy in witnessing another’s failure when it is due to neglecting the obvious flow of events. And yet, need we self flagellate due to these complex feelings? Perhaps what we need is to dig a little deeper…

I often view my own body as I would a group of friends, all the various little parts: the left foot, the right wrist, the coccyx, the inner left thigh, the tendons of my neck, all the various, disparate parts with their various, disparate voices, create the clamour that is me. In my practice I give instructions to these little strangers; “you go here and you do this and you do that and then feel this”, and if they don’t: “I told you so”.

Sometimes I pull my lower back, because I don’t engage moola bandha, sometimes my knee goes crunk, because I don’t hug the thigh muscle to the bone, sometimes my ankle goes yelp because my knee has darted forward. When the ego takes hold these things tend to occur. These little injuries are due to my not listening, just as my child fell backward in their chair because they wouldn’t stop rocking in it. Because they thought they could defy the forces of nature. Because they wouldn’t listen.

This fraction of delight we experience is not to be shirked but respected. Life without suffering would leave no room for grace. Let us embrace that which we reject and observe the outcome.

Through listening equanimity arises; one of the highest goals of our yoga practice that can only be achieved when we transcend aversion, when we transcend those inappropriate delights.

Relationship & Community: the inner & the outer

Whether we are naturally introverted or not there is in all of us a craving for community. Just like there exists in all of us the desire to be happy. In my lifetime I have established myself in communities from all walks of life. I crave this connection: with my childhood friends, with family, with the people in my neighbourhood, the people who I studied with, travelled with, lived with, the parents of my childrens' friends, the friends of my parents' children, my partners' friends, his family, the list goes on and on.

This reaching out for community takes place parallel to our practice of connecting internally; both are the practice of yoga. Both are one.

Just as important as our approach to life is our approach to yoga. Do we practice for our individual improvement alone? Progressive steps toward enlightenment take place alongside a wider view of our existence. We are not isolated beings; as we progress spiritually it is necessary to cast the net wider, to connect to more other beings, to recognize that not just in theory but especially in reality: we are one. 

It saddens me to come across divisive behaviours, perhaps more than anywhere in the "yoga world" where approaches to practice have become at times competitive rather than complementary. It seems to show that the deeper work has yet to be done.  The nitty gritty of relating to others, whether we feel challenged by them or not. Recognition of our aversions, our attachments. Coming back to our inner response to the outer manifestations of reality through relationship. I can think of nothing more valuable in this day and age.

On retreat we are given this beautiful shared landscape, practicalities are taken care of and the gateways are opened to communication and spiritual communion. We recognize that we are all the same, we have the same mental chatter, thoughts that distract us, feelings comfortable & uncomfortable. We have physical differences but are the same in having physical differences. We open up to change, we open up to transformation and we do it together.

Support cannot be overestimated, seek support in your life and to be support. Give and receive generously. Go inside, go deep inside and go outside, way outside, to where you did not think you could possibly reach. Let us tell each other what we find...and then fall silent.

toasted pecans : yogic snack

Diet can be quite the obsession for the modern yogi. In this age of one squillion (deliriously delicious) cereal bars with enticing names and wrappers existing alongside rampant starvation, it seems perverse to not pay food the respect it deserves.

Yogic dietary guidelines praise simplicity above all. Think vegetables lightly steamed, plain rice cooked to perfection, fruits consumed at the peak of ripeness. Consciousness applied to what nature provides.

One of my family's favourite snacks takes time but no effort, just the way I like my asanas!

Buy a bag of pecans, suitably expensive but cheaper than a couple of energy balls; soak them overnight in water, then toast them in the oven at 100-120C until crispy.

Deceptively simple, naturally sweet and nourishing.

A yogi's dream diet.

Thank you to Sally Fallon and her book Nourishing Traditions for the inspiration. If it weren't for the emphasis on meat I would surely use this book even more.

approach

Finely tuning our practice to provide us with what we need and to remove what we don't is an art form. Once we have learnt to listen, keeping this vigilant attention can be a struggle if we are not truly connecting to what we are doing. 

There are so many approaches to yoga. This ensures that we never get stuck, or bored. There is much to be said for practicing in times of difficulty, when we feel sick, when we feel tired, when we are anxious... yoga serves as a balm, a soother, an equaliser. But once we are in a state of balance we move into a different stage of practice; should we push our bodies harder? sometimes its good to stir things up, to feel intensely, to uncover the hidden emotions. Our physical weaknesses show us correlates on the level of feeling. 

Last week I went to a workshop with the legendary teacher Sri Dharma Mittra who teaches with humour and intensity and has done for over sixty years. I spend much of my teaching life asking my students to hold back which seems to be the opposite approach to Dharma's. He pushes and challenges and reminds us that "what brings happiness to our minds? our achievements". Whether this be wrapping your leg behind your head from a standing position remains an open question.

We need to understand our own path, when our direction shifts a fraction how does that sit? what changes? When we change our approach what does that bring up? Every now and then push your body; go for the splits, the extreme back bend, injure yourself. what on earth? did I just say that? yes! we are not our bodies. We become so precious about our injuries , but the fear that we are being shown can teach us so much! 

I feel that this is in tune with the practice of many of the ancient yogis. The ones who mollified the body, the ones who fasted, who slept in sirsasana (headstand), who held their arm overhead for years at a time as a means to connect with the transcendental nature of reality, the ones that pushed and pushed and pushed to reach that sense of connection. 

Myself I lean more toward the teachings of the buddha. The nature of reality may be suffering but we can overcome suffering through presence, through observing the lack of inherent existence. When we push the body so hard, we often fall into the trap of the ego; as opposed to realising that we are not our bodies, we become obsessed and attached to the very thing we are trying to be rid of. We are not just proud of our achievements, we cling to them. And if we can no longer wrap our leg behind our heads, we suffer. 

Which is why I encourage my students to hold back, as long as there is presence, notice what impels you to force and push. As my teacher Tias Little says: "beware of your pusher side". A moment of presence is an achievement indeed. Or as Dharma said, "don't overestimate the power of your attention". 

going mental

Most models of the human being include some sort of definition of the mental body, the intellect, the brain or what have you. The workings of the mind are puzzled and pored over, worshipped and rejected in turn. It is the source of greatness and of suffering, and a lot of drivel in between. 

When we practice yoga we look at quieting the 'monkey mind', that which chatters incessantly and ruminates into exhaustion. In fact yoga itself is 'stilling the movements of the mind' according to some commentators. 'yogascitta vritti nirodah'. And yet the commentary of the Yoga Sutras by the Ishayas presents the following interpretation : "Yoga is the non-identification with the movements of the mind". Would it not be better that, rather than forcing the mind into some sort of stillness, we were able to take a step back and watch its meandering without identifying with it?

Even in savasana, when the hard work of asanas is done we often think of 'doing' relaxation. As a concept 'letting go' is useless. It tethers us tighter to the notion that we can control every aspect of our being. Of course when we go deeper in our practice we begin to see that this is impossible, we cannot control it all. Sudden shifts take place in their own time, just as does respiration, as does circulation, as does digestion. The various aspects that make up our human being work at various different rhythms and the mind is quicksilver, a lightening bolt: marvellous and dangerous in turn. Can we admire it from a distance?

I am delighted to be starting a masters degree in the Traditions of Yoga and Meditation come september. It is a privilege to be introduced to the great works that inform the path we're on. This dance between academic study and physical practice, stimulus and stillness, is an infusion I've been curious to taste and I thank my teachers and partner and family for supporting me. 

Above all I am looking forward to sharing what I learn in the wider community to which we all belong.

Namaste

eccentric stalactites

On my recent visit to Puglia I had the privilege of being swallowed up by the earth for a couple of hours. We descended into the caves of Castellana, where you walk for 3 km surrounded by ghoulish pinnacles and dripping rock. Each cm of stalactite takes approximately 120 years to form and where they come close to the stalagmites below, the tension is almost unbearable.

This trip coincided with the end of a week training with the master yogi Tias Little who spends hours a day steeped in stillness and has therefore developed a vision of our internal landscape that rivals that of any great artist. The way he describes the movement and pulsations that occur beneath the skin is so evocative as to ensure that one stays fully present throughout each moment he is teaching. To be with Tias is to be inevitably present. 

As I walked through the twisting alleys of my italian cave, surrounded by rocks shaped like carrots and dreadlocks and owls and cauliflowers I was aware of the very earth's desire to excite and inspire. My imagination was sparked by what greeted my senses, by the silence that muffled my ears, the pressure in my lungs as we went deeper. 

It is a rare gift to come across a teacher of Tias' caliber and authenticity, but to become ones own teacher is the ultimate goal. To have the capacity to keep oneself in the present regardless of the impressions that beg to distract us, to take our mind some place else.

Can we keep our "mundane" reality as alive as this cave? Are there in our very bodies substrata of star dust? eccentric stalactites that just when they're meant to continue on down, jet off into beautiful curlicues and spirals as if to delight themselves? Can we be awake to what's happening at this very moment? because there is none like it, can we maintain the wonder of a child?

Sometimes in our practice we become obsessed by form, please remember that in the body there are no straight lines, you have to feel out your own inner landscape, the subtle layers, the areas that expand, the areas that contract. Only in this way will you be able to let go of what is not needed in order to be open to what is presenting itself to you now.

Slow down, tune in and listen, listen, listen.

attention to tension

At some point in your practice, when you begin to go deeper you will start to tune in to areas of felt tension in the body. This tension manifests in a variety of different ways, a variety of "flavours": pins and needles perhaps, or pain, or localised tightness, a sense of internal swelling, or electricity, tension in its various guises. In the chi kung style of practice that I have learned  this tension is referred to as 'bin chi' (almost literally: 'rubbish energy') and we have outlets for this tension to leave the body, we press out through points in the fingers. In chinese medicine these points are referred to as 'departure points', and they are also around the toes: the extreme extremities of the body. 

From my massage practice I am familiar with the "flicking out" of tension that has been carefully prised out of stiff joints and tense tendons through gentle manipulation and tenderising. You can almost visualise it is a sticky substance that needs to come unstuck. 

When I asked my great yoga teacher Tias Little how one would help this tension escape the body in ones' yoga practice his answer included the direction of contacting our "inner pharmacy". In other words connecting with our deeper biological rhythms that govern us so wisely ,that possess degrees of intelligence we cannot fathom through intellectual persistence.

I think this is also a practice of trust, that the body is infinitely wise and capable. We cannot force tension out but we can recognise it's existence. And through softness, gentleness and kindness begin to watch the great unfolding.

Daring to let grace in. Daring to let go. 

embodying heart

Bringing the attention to the heart is not a thought process. Thought can be conducive or otherwise but bringing attention to the heart is action.

The heart is responsible for the body's largest energy field, the heart beat is the loudest, the strongest and that which has the furthest reach of all pulsatory rhythms that our amazing bodies contain.

If we can connect with this field in our practice, not through thought but through our very actions, we can embody heart for a new experience to arise.

One of my teachers, the wise woman Leila Sadeghee has a beautiful way of instructing us to expand from the lung-heart centre when we do a simple action such as lifting the arm. Its as if the various, seemingly disparate parts of the body came into agreement and there is no longer any sense of compromise when we act in this way; embodying heart. 

The lungs and heart form this ravishing relationship, nestling into one another, supporting and promoting this continuum of life

And the lungs, expansive by their very nature are also extremely sensitive, the very material they are made of absorbs the finer particles of prana from the air we breathe. They absorb and filter not just on the level of matter but also emotionally. In Chinese medicine, the lungs are the seat of grief and depression in the body, they store emotional residue which through our practice we can begin to let go of. Through our breathing practices, through our conscious action.

Can we be conscious of the deeper effects of embodying heart? 

Try this; practice your sun salutations with this new awareness, allow the energy field of the heart to spread through your whole system like warm oil trickling into every nook and cranny. And once you've finished your rounds, be still and...let go

time to access the next level

Dear Ones, 

   I feel so honoured each time I teach, truly. At the beginning of a class, when we gather and take a moment to settle, when the plan has not yet expanded there is a welling up in my chest that feels like a small explosion. I now believe that what I'm feeling is love. I have interpreted this feeling as a gnawing anxiety; am I fit to teach? yet I know that my alignment is precise, my methodology carefully handed on to me by my previous gurus, I know that I am fit to teach. 

Then I thought perhaps it was fear, that I am not following my true calling, that perhaps introspection will take me where I need to be, but I have followed this emotion and no that's not it either.

And then I remembered the words of Shantideva, author of 'The Way of the Boddhisattva' where he emphasises the important role of fear in our path toward liberation: 'this human life indeed is no time for complacency', and I realise that this is what I'm feeling: that each class is an opportunity, an opportunity to be fully present, to communicate with intensity what I know to be true. 

I would be delighted for serious students to join me on my next retreat. I shall be leading a course at Emerson College from mid April and would LOVE for you to be there, please keep your eye on my schedule and contact me to book

If you're keen to start sooner, I shall be running a retreat at Trasierra with the Secret Yoga Club from the 16th-19th of March.... a wonderful opportunity to go deeper